Remembering The Goodness Of God
I woke up that day just like any other, but what I didn’t know is that it would be a day that I would never forget. The diagnosis was cancer – and all of a sudden my world was at a standstill. Few things mattered more than the next doctor’s appointment, decisions about chemo start-dates, and if my fiancé and I were going to push back our wedding that was supposed to happen in 3 months. May of 2014 will always have a place in my mind as the beginning of an extended journey where my faith was tested and God became more real to me than ever before.
At first, it was easy to focus on God and remember that He was still present, and still good. I was a youth pastor at a local church, and so I saw this as an opportunity to bring the students along in the journey and show them what it looked like for a follower of Jesus to go through a life-storm. I was also putting on a strong persona for my family, and my soon-to-be-wife…everything was going to be fine, and I was going to make sure of it!
The chemo treatments didn’t have a major effect on me the first round – to the point where I still maintained my marathon training, doing 6 mile runs on the off weeks of treatments. I later learned that oftentimes chemo treatments have a compounding effect, so by the third round my body had been wiped out, and I was feeling quite sick.
It was easy in the beginning to remember God and His goodness, but it progressively became more and more difficult to remember the goodness of God as the treatments went on. One night at home the pain was especially bad. My entire body ached, and I had that “I’m going to puke” feeling without it actually happening. I remember turning to a simple gift that was given to me at the beginning of this journey – a 12-page packet full of scripture verses. It was all I could do, in the midst of the pain, to flip through those pages and read passage after passage that assured me God had not left me. They were a reminder of His character; his very nature.
When bad things happen, and life doesn’t go our way, it can be easy to think that God is absent or distant; there’s this thing called negativity bias and we are hardwired for it. Remembering God's faithfulness was pivotal for me because, in the midst of my pain, I was reminded that I was not alone. Even though I felt like God had given up and was distant, I was reminded by His Word that there’s nothing I could do, or experience, that would remove His love and presence from my life.
As I look back on that season, and read back through the notes and all of the journal entries, I can see the evidence that my faith grew stronger. God continues to use that season as a reminder of His faithfulness in my life today. I can look back to 2014 and say, “He didn’t leave me then, he won’t leave me now.”
We believe that remembering the goodness and faithfulness of God builds our faith. It reminds us of his goodness then, now, and in the future. If you want to know more about the spiritual practice of remembering; we have created an entire week of listening focused on this practice. Also, make sure that you check out Episode 12 and Episode 13 of Free And Light where we unpack the practice of remembering.
Written by Adam Mashni. Adam is a husband, father, friend, a pastor, and an original member of Refresh. Adam serves as a board member and guide for Seek Well. He is cancer-free.
