What In The World Am I Doing?
Put down whatever you’re doing. Sit back in your chair. Take a deep breath.
Now, sit with a few questions.
Do you really believe that Jesus is the son of God? Do you really believe that he is the most loving, wise, all-knowing person who ever walked the face of the planet?
And, do you really believe that he knows what’s best for your life?
Pause.
Consider this… all the big decisions in our lives flow out of how we answer these questions.
It took me a long time to get there, but today I’m embracing the reality that He is God and I’m not. I’ve journeyed with Jesus long enough to believe that He knows best with every fiber in my being.
With those big questions settled for me (hopefully you too), a more nuanced question still remains:
Do I really want what Jesus wants?
It would seem straightforward. He is God and knows best; so I should ask him what he thinks about the big decisions. Then, whatever he says, I should do it. No questions asked. Nothing to discuss. Obedience. He’s God and I’m clearly not. I should surrender my agenda to Him. Right?
Then why is it so hard for me to do that?!
For me, the answer lies in my fight for control. I often think my way is best. I desire certainty and think I can provide that through my efforts. So, I ignore the above facts and embrace my not-so-rational feelings.
Can you relate? Or am I the only one who has control issues?
Here’s the thing though, if I don’t want what Jesus wants, what in the world am I doing?
I’m not beating myself up or trying to take on unnecessary shame. I’m simply questioning the deepest motives of my heart.
You see, I want life to the fullest and I deeply desire his plan for my life. But, to experience that, I have to want what he wants, no matter what it is that He wants. That means I must give up control of my agenda for his plan… even if I don’t understand in real time.
If this resonates with you, welcome to the journey of surrender.
Over the last few months I’ve been starting my day in a new way to make sure that my heart is aligned with Gods. When I wake up, instead of jumping right into my routine, I pause, and start my day with a prayer that looks something like this:
“Jesus, I am not the King.
I surrender everything and everyone to you. I surrender my desire for power and influence. I surrender my desire to be approved of by others. I surrender my desire to be in control. I surrender my desire to be comfortable.
Jesus, I want what you want.”
This simple act of daily surrender aligns my heart with His before the day even begins. Most days I find myself truly wanting what He wants. For me, that’s a step closer to living freely and lightly.
Here’s my challenge to you:
Try this practice of daily prayer for a few weeks and watch your heart move closer towards what Jesus wants. Notice that the weight you carry begins to feel a little more free and a little more light as you surrender to Jesus.